11am on a Saturday morning. If I’m not hungover I must still be drunk. A receipt glares at me from the bedside table; an exorbitant amount of money for a ridiculous number of shooters. There’s another bed in the room, it has been slept in but there’s no sign of life. The light shining through the traditionally adequate curtains sends a blinding pain to the back of my head. I am terrified by the fact that the gigantic party is yet to come…

I found myself rather spoilt for this year’s South African Music Awards. Despite not entering any artists for the event I was still able to attend the nominees ceremony. I was further privileged when a certain lovely lady (Ms. Monique Stander) asked me to accompany her to the event. As a judge of the ‘Best Alternative Album’, Monique was one of the few people I knew that could bring a guest. Such is the culture at Musketeer Records; the rest of my colleagues would also be in Sun City for the weekend.

Arriving at Sun City with little time to change and meet my date I was greeted by a number of indie label execs, a steady flow of shooters and snuff that had me sniffing like a coke-head all night. Making a fashionably late entrance I was flanked by two lovely ladies. Monique and Nadia certainly gave me some kind of celebrity profile.

Not all the awards at the SAMAs are announced at the main ceremony. The Friday night is dedicated to the more low-profile awards. I find that slightly insulting but I guess they can only fit so many categories into one night. I missed Fokofpolisiekar winning “Best Rock: Afrikaans” – Why exactly can Fokof not compete with Just Jinger or Cassette? I was able to see a very nervous Harris Tweed performance of Ode to Confusion. It was disappointing to see how many artists didn’t bother to make the Friday night; I think more awards were left on the stage than those given out.

The ridiculous amounts of free stuff started immediately after the announcements. The open bar and incredible buffet made Amore Vitone & Ray Dylan’s lip synching slightly easier to stomach. First Project put on a great pyrotechnics-enhanced show that left ash in my beer… free beer with ash in it is better than no beer at all.

The night spiralled into madness as we ended up in Traders pub. Art Mathews got up and jammed “Sugarman” with the local cover band. I love the irony of Sun City overflowing with musicians and we all end up watching a cover band! The evening progressed (or regressed) into far too many shooters, a photo shoot with Schwepps, chats to random people and me trekking up the hill to my room at 6am.

Schwepps & I had made a pact to hit the Valley of the Waves so I made the mission. Brett refused to answer his phone leaving me to wander around aimlessly until I found Fransois & Snake (Fokof). The slides proved to be a quality worthwhile hangover cure. On my way back to a much needed power-nap I found Monique, Nadia and Schwepps engrossed in a game of Bingo. Lady luck was on my side as I won on my first game. We played for a bit and each walked out with R20 in winnings… not bad for granny gambling.

Saturday evening rolled in and the yellow carpet rolled out. Waiting for Monique to arrive I bore witness to all the “celebrities” strutting their stuff. I recognized less than 30% of the so-called-stars that the cameras kicked up such a fuss about.

The actual awards ceremony was a similar experience; I was saddened by how much I’ve lost touch with the Kwaito & Hip-Hop scenes. Cassette came up with an incredible concept that won over the typical apathy to rock at the SAMAs. Soon after winning the best rock award they stormed the stage with The Soweto Gospel Choir and Vusi Mahlasela. The performance hardly included cassette’s song ‘Tracy’ but it did earn the first standing ovation of the evening.

With so many genres and categories it would be hard to shorten the show, but towards the end it definitely felt like it went on for too long. I was appalled to hear people booing (even if it was Danny K), looking around I realised that the most active audience members were at the back of the hall… the fans that actually paid to be there.

The SAMAs were a real eye-opener that put the tiny scale of English rock and pop into perspective. DJ Sbu could hardly get his acceptance speech out due to screaming fans. The entire Sun City was over-run by people wanting to get a glimpse of their favourite stars. I really wish we could see the same reaction for our established rock bands.

The after-party echoed the superficial ‘celebrity’ attitude that defined the weekend. There was a VIP room and a VVIP room. In some strange twist of fate I was granted access to the VVIP room. It was actually very boring so I simply abused the shorter bar queue to fetch drinks for everyone. Ms. South Africa and I had a moment where she was all alone and I was on the other side of a barrier with armfuls of drinks to deliver. By the time I got back to lay on the charm she was surrounded by less important people.

Like birds following a habitual migration pattern we ended up in Traders once again. The madness of Friday night had clearly taken its toll as most of our ever-growing crew was happier to sit around quietly feeling the pain. The hangovers didn’t stop anyone tho as we still ended up partying until after 5am.

I spent Sunday riding a few slides and chillin’ in the Cascades hotel pool with Schwepps, J and Justin (J’s mentally ill and entertaining guitarist). All the musos and industry people slowly left Sun City, leaving South Africa’s answer to Vegas quite a bit less glitzy.

A working Monday morning has never been more enjoyable. I woke up when I felt like it and spent the morning doing business from the comfort of the Valley of the Waves. After a very long and productive Musketeer meeting I left Sun City at 20:00. The drive back to Joburg in utter darkness was an appropriate bridge between the SAMAs and the real world.

I now know why they say, “What happens at Sun City stays in Sun City”. I can’t really remember what happened for the most part of the weekend.